hoping too much from you as a friend

30th March

I thought i could hold on till the last day we see each other, i thought i could be calm..i thought i can persuade myself to think less and be more observant...but it's just all what i thought and it's just all rubbish in the end!

How can a person like me treat you so good and yet, getting this back?okay, maybe to you, that wasnt good enough, but you didnt know how much i treasure our friendship! I know i shouldnt have crossed the border but i am trying hard to pull myself off from it. Dateline is finished, time is passing very fast. Everything has come to an end and i have to get myself up and start my engine for the very last semester! Only 2 papers for finals, so what the hell m i doin now? GO THINK FOR MY OWN FUTURE AND NOT BOUT RUBBISH ANYMORE! i promised, i can do better without you by my side. I dun give a shit to it anymore! You go your way, i go my way.

This blog is to apologize to you. I didnt mean to say all those words to you in the sms, you might be wonderin whats wrong wif me. I bet you are gonna avoid me and our friendship will just be like water pouring out from an aquarium, fish dying without water. Sorry for being so emo recently, i think it was because i'm putting hope on you. And that was so wrong! So all the best to you, and i have no idea how to face you, i shall just go back to my own life. i wish we are not going to see each other, at least i dun feel so awkward.

It's my 22nd without you by my side

28th March

Once again, it's my birthday! this yr, i m celebrating the 22nd, no more forever 21(sis said so). Quite happy to celebrate it in Perth, at least it's something new and memorable for me. On the other hand, i felt like missing something here, my family and friends in msia. Last yr was a blast celebration for me. i missed it so much!

This yr, i have experienced something different. Catch a bus to the city by myself (always got 'ahmad' send me to destination in msia). Wait for all friends (msian is unpunctual) on the road side for 30 mins. Dinner at northbridge and Karaoke session at Crown till 1 am, then yum cha till 3 am...it was a countdown for me! Luckily i didnt get drunk, but to be honest, i was so sleepy! I think my friends who fall asleep once they got home were 30%tired + 70%effects of alcohol. I only managed to sleep for 4 hours plus. Thats what happened to me after alcohol.

In the afternoon, i celebrated my birthday with my family via SKYPE. It was fantastic! They cut the cake and blow the candles and eat it all by themselves! Leaving me drooling in front of the laptop. Not to forget, we took a pic together for remembrance. Hope to celebrate my birthday with you guys next year.

In the evening, my uncle and aunty decided to go to the foreshore for a picnic dinner(KFC). It was a very windy day and weather was so nice. I love green..i love outdoor activities..i always wanted to organise somethin like this, but everyone always turn me down and laughed at me whenever i say this! I love to breath in the fresh air, enjoy the wind(but not the sun), looking at the water flowing and listen to the birds singing.

Very glad to have a bunch of friends who are so friendly and nice ppl. A big thanks to the organiser( i have no idea, isit wl or kim? ) A big thanks to all my friends who make me happy on that day. Once again, to WL n KIM, i love you guys so much! thanks for spending time with me in this busy week (they have lots of midterms).

Thanks to my friends who gave me wonderful presents, especially Richard, the entertainer who bought me a pair of nipples home slipper, i have no idea when will i put that on! Friends whom sent me sms, thanks for the wishes and remembering my birthday. I was so shocked to received a hand made birthday card from my sis( she did this for me every yr, but i still love receiving it ). Thanks to my uncle who took it all the way back from msia, he has to handle with care as it was all handmade stuffs. Thanks sis for the warm messages. Last but not least, my parents who gave me a big angpow!

Dont step on my TAIL

Sunday, 15th March

Looking at my laptop, thinking of assignments, tax quizes, mid terms, finals.........
The next thing which comes into my mind is the B**** who keep picking on me during my first day of work at PCEC yesterday! She is just too much, i guess she is facing some menstrual problem! or she is jealous of us, young and capable!

Early in the morning complained about my fringe, no one clips up their fringe like you, old lady!(this is an indo chinese woman who does not speak chinese, she is actually in her late 20s or beginning of her 30s only). She interviewed me and gave me good impression of her kindness but now she is totally a B****.

At the end of the day, she spoke in Malay to MR 'ONDUN'(the highest post supervisor among all of them) asking him to TENGOK BUDAK ITU(which means me). This time, she indirectly 'commented' on my nice straight cut black pants which makes her feel like i am going CLUBBING with it! Oh come on, who puts on such a long black pants and go shaking their ass? You are really an old woman! Ladies now either put on mini skirts/shorts or low cut dress for clubbing! No one puts on black slacks for clubbing, pls go back to your 80s if you want! B**** BTW, i am a PURE CHINESE from MALAYSIA and i understand MALAY! (she thought i am either a hong kie or china doll) SHIT you, the next time you speak malay infront of me i will give you a big stare and ask you TENGOK APA AMOI, BODOH BETUL!

It's so boring today as i have no dates, so just sit at home with all my books and dramas :)

disappointed at you

Tuesday 10th March

Met up with HIM and few friends for lunch in the city. Enjoyed my first sushi in Perth. It's delicious. But i didnt enjoy the outing. Listened to one of my advisor's advise, to be more concern about HIM. So i make a bottle of honey water for HIM as he is still sick.

I can still rmb how he reacted to me clearly! HE gave me a big stare and i walked away. Later on, he avoided me! It's so damn obvious that he avoids me. He walked fast to the bus stop, i didnt want to go to the same bus stop as him but i have to, cos my bus picks me up from there too. HE and another friend kept on laughing and i couldnt be bothered, call up my buddy and got scolded for being so silly and not listenin to his advise, sorry...

I will not repeat my mistakes and i will not treat him good anymore, just go back to normal and as what a friend taught me, be COOL and IGNORE him on and off.

I can be very nice and sweet to a person and i can also be very cruel to a person when i m angry or disappointed. Pls not make me treat you this way MR K. But unfortunately, u have already make me do so!Pls stay away from me, go out of my life, i don't want you to ruin my mood anymore, i don't want you to make me happy or sad, most of all, i don't want to see you

moving my ass off from the chair

Sunday, 8 th of March
Wild life park is not as fun as what i was expecting! Disappointed with it. How come wild life park that boss visited is so fun? The one in perth is so small. All animals are so sleepy! Weather is so hot! Making me feel lazy after an hour of walk. I only maanged to touch the kangaroo, koala was not allowed to be touched. I will go China and find one..hahaha!

Basketball game was on in the evening. Quite happy as i haven been playing this game for yrs! I used to play it well. But somehow, this group of players have a bunch of 'beaches' in. But couldn't be bothered as YOU are there with me. Enjoyed playing alot. It's my first time watching you playing while joining the game too!

Not happy these few days as i discovered so many things which make me think more and become sad. I am glad to have all of you with me when i am in this situation. Thanks to all my consultants. I am full of energy and it's a brand new day! Looking fwd to accept new challenges and i will beat YOU down this time.

Emo Emo Emo

Same things happening in my life. Uni, house, uni, house…whr is my job? I need a job to survive! I need a job to keep me alert! I need a job to make my life busy! Very boring with my life now. Only having 2 days of uni, other than that, I have nothing else to do besides going down to the city.

A friend of mine came to me and ask me this Q all of a sudden. The Q was, do u plan to pak toh now? After answering her, I wonder how she knows what I am looking for now? Was my action too obvious? If yes, how can’t he feel it? He is not that stupid!
Alright, encouragement from friends are good but I am not the type of person who can make the first step. The most I can do is to hint to him or to stay by his side and just wait, cos I have no guts!

My jealousy is giving me a huge problem in all matters. How can I overcome it?
Very emo now, better go to bed early. More news about me coming up soon!