everyone is changing...

Friends come and go, but i know if we put in effort in a friendship, they will not go easily..so lets work hard to build a strong friendship to celebrate our anniversary from now on!

i still feel tat u r by my side

after 50 days u've gone quietly, everyone here still miss you deeply in their heart. i wish all these are just a dream but unfortunately they are not!

uncle from penang came down with his family, since young i love this family so much, i was taken care by 3rd aunt since 1 mth old...i think that's why i love hanging around with them. and this is the only time we get together, i guess the yee's family relationship will not be as close as last time but i hope they can have more time to get together...

feel happy to see so many people as i love gatherings but recently, i feel like missing someone from the gathering. From now on, whenever we go back to BG, there is no one there waiting for us, no one there waiving to us. I feel so sad but to tell myself to stay strong...

heard from mom saying that she is not used to go back now as it's so quiet at home, i agree, i feel sad as mom is going to miss her mother forever. heard from 3rd auntie saying that she cant believe that grany left so sudden and still miss her alot. heard from 3rd uncle saying that he is so used in calling grany everyday at 7pm, and now, he still picks up his hp and wanted to call but came to realise that his mother is not around to pick up his call anymore..i feel so sad listening to all these...

i've been thinking day and night, will grany knows that we miss her alot and wish that she is still alive? will grany knows ???

why do ppl says deceased person will come into our dream? i want to see you in my dream if it's real too. i want to ask grany, how are you there?

wish time could pause and bring me back to the 19s... that was the time when grany is super strong and travels here and there buying me souvenirs! i miss you grany...

a good start!

My first permanent job (hopefully) has started for a week! so far i see everyone in the office has simple dressing and looks. i have not much pressure as there are no competitors in fashion! But i am not sure about their strengths!!! But when come to age, i feel so lonely as most all of them are above 30 yrs old and only few ladies are stil in their late 20s while i m in my beginning of my 20s!!! i feel so proud for being the youngest in this company but still, so lonely as no one talk to me things about what my age is suppose to be doing! Not to mention guys as there are only 30% and most of them are old!!! My definition for old is above 30yrs old and not the handsome type, not interested in finding out whether they are still single or married!

Lunch time, aunties talk about marriages, kids, husbands...i get to learn all of this but wondering when can i start using all these? start thinking whether i should continue with this co as i cant find a person who can talk to me like my friends who normally did. Should i consider joining their group or keep to my own style and wait for the right time to do the right thing?

Being a fresh grad to join a 10 yrs old co is a very challenging job to me. Following the seniors who has 8 yrs of experience makes me feel happy as i could learn from them! But at the same time, makes me feel so stupid as i only have theories in my mind but not any practical experience! As i answered my manager during the interview, AT THIS STAGE, LEARNING IS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME...so i have to bear with it!

I am still doing things using my own style, and of cos, walk and stand and sit and eat with MY OWN STYLE where new ppl will not like it, only ppl who are very close to me will understand me! so, whenever new ppl see me, they will stay far away from me! I am a weird person in their eyes

Believe...Or not?

It's just a believe, are you sure?
Some says you came back quietly and peacefully and didnt disturb us...
Some says you didnt come back as you are good and happy with your current life in another world...
Some says it's just a believe...

As everyone knows, a deceased person has 49 days to come back and visit their love ones, but did grany come back on and off to see us? We dont know...

Prepared lots of her favourite food and lock ourselves in the room from 8.30pm as we believe that you will be back from 9pm-3am... trying to wait for you to come back and listen to all the noises of pots in the kitchen, keys opening door, Merz engine sound sending you back...but all i hear on that night was rain drops and the speed of the fan hanging on the ceiling...and soon fall asleep...

Everyone is hoping for good numbers but no one strike first prize yet! my second uncle was the most funny person, he asked my dad to write a letter in chinese, hoping grany will give him some first prize numbers...hahaha

the days without po-po

It has been 2 weeks since the day u left me and ur love ones, i stil cant forget the moment i see the msg written on my skype ' grandma passed away ' at 4.15pm on 22nd of oct 2009...

it was a sunny day. i was so busy packing my luggages as i will be flying back from perth for good on early friday morning. i was so excited about my return as i could drive back to BG together with mom and ah yee immediately after our arrival on friday noon and see you at late evening and take you out for dinner, breakfast lunch dinner and so on for the remaining days...but somehow, everything was really fated and there goes my lovely grandma...

do you know i regret not calling you on thursday morning to inform you that i will be back tmr? do u know i feel so depressed when i know that your last breath was in the bathroom? everytime when i walk into the bathroom, i think of you...i rmb the days when i shower you...

po-po, i miss you so much

i hear a lot of stories about the maid and i hope she wasn't the person who caused your death, i hope she didnt treat you bad in the past 3 yrs, i hope she gets her punishment for how she had treated you...

i am not in the mood to look for a job but still, i force myself to go and look for one...i feel like cleaning my WHOLE hse but i do not have the rights to touch this and that, so what can i do? leave all rubbishes lying there for another yr and one more yr and another century? lolzzz..that's impossible!

everything came too fast

i couldnt accept the fact!
everything came too fast...
a happy birthday turned out to be a sad funeral...
my last talk wif her was mths ago! my last meet up wif her was in february 2009...

a very strong and independent grany is no longer in this world! i only see her lying in the coffin with her pretty face and eyes closed...

grany, why didnt you wait for one more day more? everyone of us were about to reach home to sing you a birthday song and blow candles and cut the big big birthday cake!

all these nvr happen anymore, we could only light up candles and joss sticks and burn the 'money' for you! i cant get angpow from you anymore!

i am curious about ur death grany, could you pls tell me the truth on how it was during that day? could you pls tell me if the maid had treaten you bad? could you pls tell me?

i feel happy for janet, my cousin who got to kiss my grany for her first and last time weeks ago when she went back to BG, i feel happy for my dad and mom who went back a week before grany passed away to see her!

i feel sad for myself not being a good grand daughter! grany, i cant forget the days when you were weak and i took care of you, taking shower for you, feeding you, massaging your hands and legs, sleeping with you!

grany left us not because she was ill, i believe she is too tired throughout the 90 yrs...

pls R.I.P..

i will miss you forever! i will nvr forget you, thanks grany for taking care of me for the past 22 yrs and always smile to me when you see me! i miss everything of you!

is busy life a good thing to me?

9th May 2009

It has been more than a month since the last posting! Why? It's all because of my laziness and busy life. It sounds good when i have a long break in the mid of April, 2 weeks of break, i wish to go for holidays and spend more time with friends since my family are far away from me. But who knows, during the first week, i ended up sitting at home watching dramas and eating and sleeping and also, EXERCISE! Well, this kinda life doesn's suit me at all. Sounds like i cant be a housewife in future...

Found a job and starts working during my second week of break, so happy! I got income now! well, this job sounds easy, but when i first do it, i feel so stress, cause i never do all these before! It's working at a bubble tea shop. So far, i have been working for about 3 weeks, working on 4 days a week standing and shouting and moving around non stop! The only benefits i get is the free drinks and breads. The pay is super low and i feel so stupid working for this shop, but thinking of money and the economy crisis which hit us, i will just do it! Well, i also get muscles on my arms again! No need to go for gym.

4 days of working, 2 days of uni, 1 day to REST or HANG OUT? Well, i choose to stay at home and rest while online, i realised that i have missed out lots of things, missed out the chit chatting with friends every night as i go to bed early and wake up early the next morning for exercise. I missed out all yum chas with friends here cause i dont want to come home late with a tired soul( i rather sleep more than drinking ).

Cant wait for my first pay and i want to spend it? No way, i have to bank them into my account and save it for piggie and mommy's arrival in Sept, i miss you... Hope dad could make it by then...

Tata, need to go for work again! Oh ya, i had a midterm this morning, and for the first time, i am 30 mins early! cause i thought paper starts at 9, but it actually starts at 9.30, omg, i didnt know and kept on blaming the lecturer who starts it late (sorry)

I just came to realize that i have no pics in my laptop for this blog! Sorry gh n kz, this is the only one i have. Talking about them, this rich boss flew to melbourne and sydney for his honey moon and had a short gathering wif gh, you are so lucky! i am so envy, but cant help it, extremely regret on my last trip to up north, but it's all overed! forget about it, gotta look fwd for a better life still. ciao!